Half as Hard and Twice as Good

I was feeling a little blue today. Actually, I was really struggling...a little sick, but a lot more down than I thought I should be. I guess I got started down a bad road when a couple of things didn't work out like I had hoped (not to mention waking up after an interrupted night of sleep and very dark dreams). I moped and struggled and fought with myself all day. I tried not to listen to the voice in my head that said chocolate or caffeine would fix the problem. I prayed, but comfort still seemed elusive. During naptime, I felt the heavy feeling that had been weighing me down lift a bit. God brought me relief and here's the small measures that He used (and I am writing them down so I don't forget):

--I put on my favorite singer, Sara Groves. I got her new album for Christmas. It has songs about friends who make going through life together "half as hard and twice as good" and songs about "different kinds of happy." That hit the spot.
--I opened some curtains that have been closed for about 6 months (I'm not exaggerating). They were closed because the windows behind them are dirty, and then the cold weather came and it is warmer with the curtains closed. But there is something special about sunlight, and it did the trick.

--A little chocolate. Don't eat the whole bag, Kaci.

--A Diet Coke

--brushing my teeth (wish was ruined by my chocolate and coke drinking, but it still felt good)

--remembering that I had a house full of friends and their kids yesterday and that I am having friends over for dinner on Sunday...and in the words of Martha Stewart (gag), "That's a good thing."

--Changing my perspective from "What am I going to do to feel like a good mother today?" to just enjoying my kids. Some good snuggles resulted.

--Stopping stressing out that Annie cries in her swing and (inner monologue) "she has to like her swing because I need it to be the place I can put her to chill while I try to get things done, etc."...I just took her out and she is so cute and happy on the floor with all her toys.
--Picking up the clutter instead of worrying about cleaning the bathrooms

--My blog--writing it, and also reading my friends' blogs

--Staying off of facebook. That can make everyone else's life seem more cheery and interesting than mine. And it's not productive, which adds to the gloom.

--Admitting that parenting 3 preschoolers IS hard. I think I get myself worked up about it--that I will finally have a break-through and things will run smoothly (like I picture in my head) and that everyone else has mastered it and there is something wrong with me that I need to figure out. But it really is just hard! The other day, I was trying to get to MOPS with food and a nursing baby and a whiny 2-year-old and a 5-year-old with a burned bottom that needed to be bandaged and ice on the windshield and I thought, "Barring some debilitating illness or accident, this is the hardest it is ever going to be to get out of the house in the morning." I think this is why I really LOVE my community of other mothers and reading my mom-friend blogs (and some blogs that are written by sassy moms that I don't know but they still make me laugh). I see the successes and failures of other moms and I feel better about the ups and downs of my days.

Then I had to call about some overdue bills and deal with frustrating automated systems and that killed my optimism a little, but then we went to the Aquaplex as a family and I marveled at how much my boys had grown--the last time we went was last March...now Evan can manage on his own in the splash park and Sam is a little fish. Even Annie loved it and I caught myself thinking that I have a pretty handsome husband. We topped it off with Burger King, which was wonderful because I have full kids asleep in their beds and no mess to clean up! Thanks, God, for taking care of me and my little family...they really are everything to me.