Goodbyes

This post has a lot of pictures. I tried to just stick to the ones that tell the story, so hopefully you can scroll through them quickly, and I will keep my commentary to a minimum (ahem). I guess I felt nostalgic at the ranch for my grandmother's funeral...a day we knew was coming, but it still changed me. I think I felt the change when I came through Milford (Utah) and saw this as we neared the ranch:These wind turbines were at the southern border of Black Rock Ranch (my grandparents'--now my uncle's-- ranch). They seemed to symbolize a new era...and made Black Rock, (now population 2--it was population 8 at it's peak) seem even smaller and more remote. I heard that my uncle was recorded as being "hostile to alternative energy" because he complained that the new wind turbine operation was draining his wells because of the water they were using to wet the roads so their trucks could drive around and not get dusty. Hmmm.

As everyone reading this probably knows, we went to the ranch to say goodbye to my grandmother, Dorothea Mae Kaufman.

She was a hard-working, loving, stubborn woman who loved her husband, 2 sons, the Bible, grandkids, and animals. I would have loved to have known her when this picture was taken:
This is more how I knew her:
Her funeral was small...at a little Baptist church in Milford. My sister gave the eulogy, my dad did a little talk, and I shared some memories. We sang some old cowboy hymns and had a shivery graveside service at the little cemetery.




Did I mention that it was cold at the graveside? Annie was still all smiles.
After the service, we went back to the church for a lunch. I wanted to talk with all my cousins, like Benjamin, who was my childhood playmate and friend.
But instead, I felt like I had to do a lot of this:
(I actually think this picture sums up a lot of my life these days--Sam talking to me, Annie nursing, and Evan...where's Evan?...off doing his own thing). We ate dinner together at my Aunt and Uncle's house (across the field from my grandparents' house) complete with one of Utah's famous jello salads. (it's the green blob next to the cheesy potatoes) I don't even know what's in that one.

The rest of the time at the ranch, we enjoyed being with family (and I enjoyed them admiring Annie, which they did a lot of)and enjoyed being at the ranch that I love so much. Except for the fact that it was so cold. Notice the temperature inside the house on this thermometer:
(It was 55 degrees in the house most of the morning) I don't think my dad's cousin, Hal, took his North Face jacket off the entire time...even to go to bed. Here's how ranchers look when they are working in -21 degree weather: Kendra reminded me of a Christmas when my grandma brought some baby lambs into the kitchen to keep them from freezing to death. She thought my grandma actually put them in the oven to warm up...I just remember a cardboard box with lambs in it in the kitchen on Christmas morning and feeding them from coke bottles. Being in my grandparents' house brings back a lot of memories, many of them triggered by the quintessential "grandma's house" pictures on the walls. Like this yarn art:
And the scary girl picture: And these other scary pictures:

Annie had a bath in the sink, which is only noteworthy because I think it had been a month since she had last been given one (I am not exaggerating).
The kids could only do crafts inside the old house for so long,
so Kendra and I bundled them up and took them outside. The boys had fun playing on a flatbed trailer in front of the pig barn and sheep pens
going on tractors
and a tow truck that Kendra tried to convince them was Mater (from Cars)--they didn't buy it.

They fed the horses and Sam discovered that snot and alfalfa aren't a good combination.
We went to the spring

and saw the historic Native American petroglyphs on the rocks ("Oh, they drew a soccer ball and a banana," Sam declared). Evan got cold on the walk back. He reminded us of the part in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation when the Griswolds go to the woods to get their tree and the mom says, "She'll see it later, Clark, her eyes are frozen." (Click on the picture to see it better) He just sat there, not moving, his eyes glazed over. We took him back to grandma and then went sledding. (I'm slightly embarrassed to see that I stick my tongue out when sledding. I would deny it, but pictures don't lie)

I always felt special having somewhere like the ranch to visit...I have so many memories of playing with my cousins--pretending we were cows and branding each other in the cattle chutes
playing hide and seek in the best playground a kid could imagine

rounding up cattle, feeding baby sheep, milking goats, climbing haystacks, sitting on Grandma's porch, eating waffles, and so much more. I guess part of my grieving (which was really more reflecting than grief) was realizing that things can't stay the same forever, no matter how much we want them to. I really feel like an adult now, and even if my kids won't get to enjoy the ranch like I did, they have their own grandparent's houses at which they are making memories for themselves. So as I look back, I am thankful for the legacy of the Kaufmans and Grandma Tortilla (as Sam thought she was named) and as I look forward, I am glad for the new chapters that are unfolding with my children. In the words of Tracy Lawrence (country singer), "the only thing that stays the same is everything changes, everything changes/Time marches on, time marches on.".

Thanksgiving--Beach, Cobras, Chargers & More

We went to San Diego for Thanksgiving (and the suitcases are still sitting in my room unpacked). We were blessed to have the flexibility with Jeremy's job and no kids in school to be able to go for the whole week--not to mention blessed by my parents getting a great hotel room on Shelter Island for all of us. I don't want to gloat, but here is the view from the door of our room to the right:
And to the left:
(If you couldn't tell, that's the harbor with the city skyline in the background on the right and a marina with boats docked on the left.)

We had great moments like celebrating Mom, Kendra, and Sam's (early) birthdays. We only managed to put candles on muffins one morning--we never seemed to have them with us when we were eating dessert. As with every time we see my parents, there was a mountain of citrus fruit for everyone to enjoy.
We had fun hanging out at Aunt Kendra's house--playing on the couch and opening Kinder Eggs that Kendra brought from one of her flying expeditions to an exotic location. Sam gave her specific instructions to get more next time she goes to another country where they don't speak English (if you don't know what the excitement about Kinder Eggs is, they are like a white & milk chocolate covered easter egg with a cool little toy inside--you get to assemble the toys yourself, but of course they have been banned from the U.S. because they pose a choking hazard).
We went to the San Diego Zoo--which is very cool, though I would never attempt it without at least a 1:1 ratio of adults to children.
I kind of felt like I spent the day trying to avoid big hills (there are lots) because of a tired 2 year-old and changing Annie's diaper (2 explosions)--here she is naked in her carrier while I waited to reunite with the backpack that was in the stroller with Grandma at the gorilla exhibit.
One of the boys' favorite exhibits was the reptile house. I don't know if I liked a King Cobra that close to my child's head, even though there was a thick pane of glass in between. Quite a crowd gathered around this window as a zookeeper opened the back door of the cage and began cleaning, keeping the agitated Cobra at bay with a long pole. At one point, the zookeeper stepped out of sight, leaving the door of the cage open. A man in the crowd yelled, "I don't think that's a good idea!" I think I'd always be looking behind my back if I had to work in that exhibit.

One of my favorite moments was when a grumpy and sleepy Evan came to life, not at a real animal sighting, but at a statue of a hippo and jumped on it's back shouting "I SUPER-MAN!"
Here's some highlights from hanging around at the beach by the hotel:



Sam made a sand castle with Aunt Kendra (I sat in a chair and watched...that's what Aunts are for :)).
I stared down a seagull that wanted to steal Evan's lunch
I am slightly scarred from a seagull incident with my lunch when I was a little girl. (This is a re-enactment in which my part is played by an older gentleman and the ice cream cone is my sandwich, but the feeling is the same)
Evan found a beautiful shell with a creature living inside and grudgingly threw it back.
I would love to say I made him do it because I have a huge heart for animals, but it was more because my sister said it would stink too bad if we tried to keep it.

We ate thanksgiving meal at Kendra's, where it seems like I got out of most of the work because of nursing Annie. We went to see Christmas lights up the street from her house in a very pretty neighborhood where people live that don't know that I let my 4 year-old pee in their bushes. It was an emergency.


Here's the annual group picture where 6 out of 8 people are looking at the camera, so it's a keeper:
Sam has been well-trained as to what to do when a Navy ship passes by:


On our way up to my parents' house in the OC, we stopped in Carlsbad, where we lived when Jeremy and I were newlyweds. We visited some of our favorite places and Jeremy surfed at the beach that was by our apartment.
The boys were so excited to see Jeremy's wetsuit and said he looked like Superman. I think he looked like Superman, too. :)



Jeremy and I extended our stay due to the fact we had free babysitters and the Chargers were playing the Chiefs (that's football, to any of my Flagstaff readers). We went to our old church in Carlsbad and then rode the trolley to the football game. Annie got a lot of comments from all the people sitting in our section.
I thought the grumpy man sitting next to me (well, practically on my lap for how close they cram the seats together) was not happy to have a baby next to him, but he later kept holding her hand, which was a little awkward but cute. Not cute was the guy behind us that was a perfect mixture of Chris Farley and Rainman. Or the intoxicated woman throwing up in the line for the trolley home. We ate at our favorite taco shop in Carlsbad.

My mouth waters just looking at the food. I think every taco shop should have soft serve chocolate ice cream (not pictured). What a great idea. We headed home, stopping in Phoenix for Jeremy's class, where we visited with Jeremy's mom and some old friends.
Even though it is bittersweet visiting somewhere as beautiful as San Diego and remembering how sad it was to move away, it is fun to have so many memories and friends scattered around the world. And, we got to come to beautiful Flagstaff, where there was still some snow left on the ground.