The Trials and Joys of Motherhood

From time to time in my life, I have felt like my age and experience have caught up to me--like a former chapter of my life has closed and a new one is opening. I can almost physically feel it...like a lurching feeling or a sudden realization, similar to how it feels to fall suddenly into sleep or to be woken up too quickly. I felt it the night before I turned 20. It happened again when my roommates and I received visitors and made grown-up phone calls the morning after our roommate's death. I felt it when I drove away from my wedding and saw my parents waving through the rear window of my husband's truck. I can remember the first time I had a grown up conversation about taxes and finances, and how it felt the first night Samuel was home with us and I realized it was ME he was crying for from his bassinet.

Though I have felt this feeling often in the course of motherhood, I felt it so distinctly on one of the last days of our trip to Europe. We were in Prague, the place I had most wanted to see and had the most "romantic" expectations of...we we were walking on the supposedly enchanted Charles Bridge with beautiful weather and all I wanted to do was be home. I realized that I could never go back to carefree days of "finding myself" in some foreign land...that I was tied strongly to 3 little children, which in turn made me feel tied strongly to all things home-y and family related. As I thought about the fact that I am technically middle-aged, a little wrinklier than I would like, and that my parents are now seasoned grandparents, I had a deep desire to go to my parent's house (my childhood home) for Christmas...yes, that's what I was thinking of on the second-to-last-day of my once-in-a-lifetime trip to Europe. I guess it's the blessing and curse of growing older.

Part of this grown-up feeling is realizing that I am the answer to my kids' needs (well, God is the perfect answer, I am just the practical answer in the daily stuff). Jeremy and I make decisions about their well-being, but I am often the one working it out in the daily grind...disciplining, nurturing, and serving them. This is a joyful and painful role, and it sure makes me love and appreciate my mom.

A few weeks ago, the kids and I accompanied Jeremy and the youth group to Oak Creek Canyon for a retreat. I knew it would be challenging, but knew it was important for us to be with Jeremy and that the kids would have a lot of fun. It was fun, but full of trials for a mother.

Trial #1: Open running water all around the camp...so lovely, yet so exhausting trying to keep 3 kids who don't swim out of it.

Trial #2: Crazy boys on the loose with crazy high-school boys to influence them.

Trial #3: Lots of fire. Why are boys so enamored with fire?

Trial #4: High places and a plethora of items to throw off and watch fall down, down, down.

Trials #5 and 6 (not pictured): Both boys actually falling INTO the creek and being fished out by their dad and then having to hike back to the camp in wet shoes and socks.

Trial #7: The kids and I being attacked by a LARGE, hormonal golden retriever who by the end of the shenanigans had caused Sam to be covered with mud, Evan to have a bloody nose, Annie to have a scratched face, me to be screaming at the top of my lungs for help, and Jeremy to re-injure his knee kicking the dog and chasing it to its home. Annie is now terrified of dogs and I don't blame her. It was upsetting to say the least. We left early, and I felt shaken up and like a mama bear...and I just really wanted to call my mom. When I did, I let Sam talk to her, and he didn't even mention the dog...so thankfully, the fun seemed to outweigh the terror of being pinned down by a large dog. We won't be getting a dog anytime soon, to say the least.

The next morning we had a pajama morning...the best antidote for stress. Guess what? Evan actually likes Annie sometimes!

We made a blanket/pillow/sheet fort and read inside. I love being a mama at times like that!

The culmination of all my reflections on motherhood came in the perfect way: My mom decided to come for a last-minute visit so she could celebrate her birthday with us and come to MOPS with me. It was so special being with her and meant so much that she could come watch me be a leader at MOPS. I couldn't be the leader that I am without so many of the things she taught me!

We spent her visit just doing "daily" things and it hit the spot. We hung out at the Del Taco play place for a few hours,

played Go Fish over and over (only grandmas have the patience for that!),

picked Sam up from school,

and ended with a birthday celebration for her.

Even though I can get nostalgic for times past, I love this time and love the relationship my mom and I have now that I am the grown-up. And, I love being the proud mom in milestones like this:

the removing of training wheels from Evan's bike! (May I remind you that he's not even 3 and a half yet?)

Here he is on his first attempt:

And here he is within 15 minutes of learning!

(He was so proud to be such a big boy and then he comes home and insists on riding his little sister's pink tricycle)

(oh, and here he is proudly answering the question, "Who farted?")

Speaking of proud moments, Annie has them every 5 minutes. Here she is showing off a toy she stole out of my bag:

And here she is proudly wearing my mom's old wool coat and hat:

Seeing her like this really makes the fact that I have a daughter sink in...it's different watching her play with my old toys than it is watching the boys play with them (and within 5 minutes the boys have usually broken them anyway) and seeing her copy me when I brush my hair or talk on the phone.

Here she is experiencing snow for the first time:

And the last item of fun and specialness for this post: Samuel got a Flat Stanley from his "cousin" in Utah and we had fun taking it around town to snap pictures. Isn't life good?



Oh, and by the way--we DO get to spend Christmas at my childhood home! (Which means we're spending Thanksgiving with Jeremy's family in Tucson and leaving today...so I better get packing!)

HOME

My mom keeps checking my blog and saying, "Oh, I see you're still in Prague," so I guess it's time to bring things up to date. But really, I've been enjoying just being home so much, I haven't had time to write. I truly feel like Samwise Gamgee...we went on an adventure out our front door and have some good stories to tell about it, but I sure am glad to be home. When we were gone, I missed silly things like vacuuming (I seriously always have to look up the spelling of that word) and doing laundry and tidying up. So, I have been making a concerted effort to appreciate those tasks and do them well since we've been home. I keep telling Jeremy that "I'm in The Clean Club now" (which there really is no such thing as The Clean Club, it's just a little game I play with myself because I always have been motivated by being "in" with the "crowd" and all that peer pressure stuff, so whatever, don't laugh because it's working).

Here are the photos of our return to home and some of the latest mundane events that I love so much.

When we got in Jeremy's parents van at the airport, I thought Annie would punish us, but she just kept looking back at us and smiling, like, "Oh, you really DO exist!"

So happy together

Evan got a black eye while we were gone, but otherwise the grandparents did great!

Sam got to go on a field trip with his class to a pumpkin patch. I did not help (because of MOPS), but just showed up to take a picture of my kid...I wonder what the teacher thought of that.

There's Sam pretending to listen to the kind, older woman talk about leaves and rocks. There's Natalie, his classmate, who I always see chasing him and trying to hug him and giggling (then he told me that Natalie always plays a game where she pretends to be ME and I was like, "What?" and felt a little territorial and weird, and he was like, "Yeah, and I'm the dad" so then I was like, "Oh, I see." I'm still not sure what I think.) There's Evan, picking his nose, like always. I'd say we're working on that but it might not be true.

Sam got school pictures taken. What a rite of passage. We practiced smiling the whole way to school. I was so curious to see how he would actually smile...so I was pleased to see he didn't do something ridiculous. The fact that someone did his hair like that is the ridiculous part.

Friends came over for a Kazakh-style dinner. I'd love to say that I did it to enlighten them about the country of Kazakhstan and its lovely culture, but I really did it because it's the only way I can seat more than 6 people and feed them without breaking the budget.

A rare moment of Annie sitting still long enough to fall asleep.

Jeremy's grandmother keeps *asking* for a picture of all three kids looking at the camera at the same time to put on her wall. I really tried, I did. This one would have been cute if Evan would have cooperated:

Then Sam decides to pick Annie up, which always results in her crying:

So this is the best we got:

She's in the middle of saying something really important.

Here we are on Halloween. My thoughts of warm roast beef and casually strolling around the neighborhood turned into gnawing through beef-jerky-style meat (crock pot is broken, oven is a far inferior way to cook a roast), grilled cheese sandwiches, lost red light saber, crying little monkey who didn't want to wear her costume, cold children, weird college girl in low-cut devil costume handing out candy (she claimed she was a Spartan when the kids asked her what she was dressed as), and crazy madhouse at the church carnival at the top of our street. Jeremy went home early with the monkey while Darth Vader and Batman and I stayed until the end.

This carnival game was strangely like a casino game...put a pile of candy on a number and see what number the big spinning wheel lands on.

Still picking his nose. Pretty much always.

We have a strict rule about no scary costumes or things that represent death. So I turn away for a minute at the CHURCH carnival and end up with a skeleton. Great.

I made Samuel's Darth Vader accessories, as I pride myself on not having to spend any money on Halloween costumes. While we were getting ready for bed, Samuel informed me that next year, he wants to be black spiderman on one side and red spiderman on the other. Sounds like I'll need grandma's help on that one.

Europe Trip: Prague

We reached our final destination, Prague on the night of the 13th day of our trip. We were picked up from the train station by our host, Pavel. We had met Pavel briefly 9 months before when he was visiting our church in Flagstaff. He said to tell them when we were coming, and in turn, invited us to be guests in his home. He and his wife, Klara, made us feel right at home, and even let us call our kids for free! We were missing them a lot, but it was good to hear that they were doing great.



On Friday, we set out to explore a neighboring town, Kutna Hora, that was close to an interesting church we wanted to visit. The church is known as The Bone Church, or more respectfully, an ossuary. All the "sculptures" were constructed by monks (with too much time on their hands, it seems). The bones were provided by the victims of the plague and a series of wars. Enjoy a tour:

This candlobra contains a one of each of the bones in the human body

Skulls with evidence of violent deaths. Yes, Jeremy liked this display.

Really weird picture

More normal picture, but we're still surrounded by dead people

I will never understand why people feel compelled to throw money into...anything (fountains, wishing wells, Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disneyland, human skulls)

Sweet little cherub atop a tower of death

The spire of the church, complete with skull and crossbones, of course

The view of Kutna Hora--which was charming, but we were anxious to get see Prague!

We came back to the Stiegers and had lunch and then commenced our tour of Prague. It was clear and beautiful. Pretty much everything is beautiful, so I will let you tour with us through the following pictures:

Welcome to the castle...now die!!!

This couple will have pretty much the best wedding pictures ever. The photographer will have quite a job photoshopping the tourists taking pictures out of the background. Yes, including me.

The king is in.

This was funny--a Segway tour approaches the castle only to be turned away by a guard. They looked so dorky, like, "uh, what do we do now? Uh, let's turn in circles with our butts sticking out."

There were photographers everywhere (including Klara). I kind of tried to limit my photo-taking because it seemed so cliche.

Entrance to the Charles Bridge...the bridge is just a bridge with statues but there is definitely something special about it.

Here is where a priest had his tongue cut out and was thrown over the side for not revealing what was told to him in confession. People come from far and wide to touch the statue (further down the bridge) and this memorial to where he was actually thrown over. It is supposed to have some magical power. It has been rubbed shiny by all the pilgrims and excitable Asian tourists.

Musicians of all styles and colors perform for crowds on the bridge, day and night.

Couple making out while resting on this crucifix, which has "Holy is the Lord of Hosts" in Hebrew, which is seen as offensive to Jews, so a plaque was placed there in 2000 to explain that it might be found offensive. Good solution.

Who would have guessed that we would travel all the way to Prague and still be surrounded by beer-drinking, bagpipe playing Scots in kilts (who like to make jokes about kilts and what's under them A LOT!)? Turns out there was an important "football" match between Scotland and Czech Republic that night so they came in mass. Thankfully, they lost, so they were more subdued as the night went on.

We ate here--I had goulash, Jeremy had wild boar meat and potato dumplings.

The busiest place in town is the Old Town Square with this statue of reformer Jan Hus in the center. Bad picture, cool statue.

Museum of Communism...favorite thing that we paid to get into

Anti-American propaganda posters

Municipal House--art by Alfons Mucha...I liked his art, but not enough to pay $10 to see his museum.

They celebrate Christmas early in Prague...just kidding, they were filming a movie. We heard that Mission Impossible 3 was being filmed there.

Weird rave that started in the Old Town Square. All the crazies came out of the woodwork and blasted...noise...(couldn't really call it music) from speakers in the backs of vans. It was like nothing I've ever seen before.

Just while you are saying, "Aw, how romantic," you need to know that there was a violin player behind us the whole time. On a side note, Jeremy had brought currency from Canada and Dubai to try to exchange, and after getting turned down countless times, he started giving it to the street musicians. I wonder if they were mad when they got home and realized it.

Our hosts, Pavel and Klara

So, we thought Prague was beautiful and historic and interesting, but we had a hard time really getting into it. Everything was sooo expensive, and I think we were expecting it to be the cheapest part of our trip. We were kind of done seeing museums or old buildings, and didn't really have the cash or energy to explore or do something out of the ordinary. Things felt tourist-y...Jeremy said he felt like he was in an amusement park. I think we were anxious to get home.

Our favorite part, though, was spending time with Pavel and Klara. They work for an organization that produces Christian programming on many radio stations in the region. They actually translate our pastor's sermons every week for broadcast on one of the stations. They are Czech by ethnicity and heritage, but are also American citizens. The first night, I was eager to hear the story of their life in Czechoslovakia through the decades, but they dismissed my questions without much info. We had many other topics we discussed over Klara's delicious meals.

After we went to the Museum of Communism, they began to answer our questions and tell their story. They talked about what life was like under communism and sad things that happened to their parents--like being shipped off to hard labor in the mines. They remembered when the Soviets invaded; they were in Prague for a family event (and had left their two babies at home an hour or so away). They heard airplanes overhead all evening and thought nothing of it, then received a phone call at 4 am and went out in the streets to see Soviet tanks all over the place. It took them 4 or 5 days to get home to their kids, and they managed to get out of Czechoslovakia some months later, thinking that they would never see their families or possessions again (they left under the pretense of going on vacation to Austria, so they couldn't take any possessions with them). They actually were sentenced to time in prison for leaving illegally, but their sentences were forgiven upon the fall of communism. They ended up in America with nothing, and told about how neighbors showed up at their door with furniture and clothing, food, and strange contraptions like a waffle iron. Pavel said with great seriousness, "At that time, America didn't help us. Americans helped us." Their family members who were brainwashed by communism refused to visit them in America for many years, and when they did come, expressed dismay over the lies they had been told by the communists. I had noticed that Pavel was very opinionated about American politics, and after hearing their stories, I could understand why.

We went to church on our last morning with Pavel and Klara--it was really nice and encouraging to be with believers and see God working so far away from our lives in Flagstaff.

Klara informed me that this was the gypsy worship team.

We spent our last afternoon revisting our favorite spots--the Charles Bridge, Old Town Square, and Starbucks. We paid a lot of money to go to the Jewish Quarter, but didn't finish the tour due to stress, tension, disinterest. I don't know...I feel like a bad person for not finishing or being more interested, but we were DONE. Done being away from our kids, not having normal life to keep us busy, done spending money, done taking in information and pushing ourselves to care and reflect on what we were learning, done trying to figure out what Prague was really like under all the tourist veneer. We ended up taking a long cold walk to another section of town that seemed more authentic and spent our last few hours enjoying Prague without all the gimmicks. We happily returned home and packed our bags to get ready for our early flight the next morning.

Jewish Cemetary in the Jewish Quarter. Something we learned on our trip was how badly the Jews were treated even before the Holocaust. In Prague, the Jews were only allowed to live in one low-lying area, and they were not allowed to bury their dead anywhere except one cemetery. The cemetery became a mound as earth was added and bodies were buried on top of existing graves.

Pavel and Klara's warm, homey, nice, interesting apartment...we loved being there.

Next Stop: The End