The Trials and Joys of Motherhood

From time to time in my life, I have felt like my age and experience have caught up to me--like a former chapter of my life has closed and a new one is opening. I can almost physically feel it...like a lurching feeling or a sudden realization, similar to how it feels to fall suddenly into sleep or to be woken up too quickly. I felt it the night before I turned 20. It happened again when my roommates and I received visitors and made grown-up phone calls the morning after our roommate's death. I felt it when I drove away from my wedding and saw my parents waving through the rear window of my husband's truck. I can remember the first time I had a grown up conversation about taxes and finances, and how it felt the first night Samuel was home with us and I realized it was ME he was crying for from his bassinet.

Though I have felt this feeling often in the course of motherhood, I felt it so distinctly on one of the last days of our trip to Europe. We were in Prague, the place I had most wanted to see and had the most "romantic" expectations of...we we were walking on the supposedly enchanted Charles Bridge with beautiful weather and all I wanted to do was be home. I realized that I could never go back to carefree days of "finding myself" in some foreign land...that I was tied strongly to 3 little children, which in turn made me feel tied strongly to all things home-y and family related. As I thought about the fact that I am technically middle-aged, a little wrinklier than I would like, and that my parents are now seasoned grandparents, I had a deep desire to go to my parent's house (my childhood home) for Christmas...yes, that's what I was thinking of on the second-to-last-day of my once-in-a-lifetime trip to Europe. I guess it's the blessing and curse of growing older.

Part of this grown-up feeling is realizing that I am the answer to my kids' needs (well, God is the perfect answer, I am just the practical answer in the daily stuff). Jeremy and I make decisions about their well-being, but I am often the one working it out in the daily grind...disciplining, nurturing, and serving them. This is a joyful and painful role, and it sure makes me love and appreciate my mom.

A few weeks ago, the kids and I accompanied Jeremy and the youth group to Oak Creek Canyon for a retreat. I knew it would be challenging, but knew it was important for us to be with Jeremy and that the kids would have a lot of fun. It was fun, but full of trials for a mother.

Trial #1: Open running water all around the camp...so lovely, yet so exhausting trying to keep 3 kids who don't swim out of it.

Trial #2: Crazy boys on the loose with crazy high-school boys to influence them.

Trial #3: Lots of fire. Why are boys so enamored with fire?

Trial #4: High places and a plethora of items to throw off and watch fall down, down, down.

Trials #5 and 6 (not pictured): Both boys actually falling INTO the creek and being fished out by their dad and then having to hike back to the camp in wet shoes and socks.

Trial #7: The kids and I being attacked by a LARGE, hormonal golden retriever who by the end of the shenanigans had caused Sam to be covered with mud, Evan to have a bloody nose, Annie to have a scratched face, me to be screaming at the top of my lungs for help, and Jeremy to re-injure his knee kicking the dog and chasing it to its home. Annie is now terrified of dogs and I don't blame her. It was upsetting to say the least. We left early, and I felt shaken up and like a mama bear...and I just really wanted to call my mom. When I did, I let Sam talk to her, and he didn't even mention the dog...so thankfully, the fun seemed to outweigh the terror of being pinned down by a large dog. We won't be getting a dog anytime soon, to say the least.

The next morning we had a pajama morning...the best antidote for stress. Guess what? Evan actually likes Annie sometimes!

We made a blanket/pillow/sheet fort and read inside. I love being a mama at times like that!

The culmination of all my reflections on motherhood came in the perfect way: My mom decided to come for a last-minute visit so she could celebrate her birthday with us and come to MOPS with me. It was so special being with her and meant so much that she could come watch me be a leader at MOPS. I couldn't be the leader that I am without so many of the things she taught me!

We spent her visit just doing "daily" things and it hit the spot. We hung out at the Del Taco play place for a few hours,

played Go Fish over and over (only grandmas have the patience for that!),

picked Sam up from school,

and ended with a birthday celebration for her.

Even though I can get nostalgic for times past, I love this time and love the relationship my mom and I have now that I am the grown-up. And, I love being the proud mom in milestones like this:

the removing of training wheels from Evan's bike! (May I remind you that he's not even 3 and a half yet?)

Here he is on his first attempt:

And here he is within 15 minutes of learning!

(He was so proud to be such a big boy and then he comes home and insists on riding his little sister's pink tricycle)

(oh, and here he is proudly answering the question, "Who farted?")

Speaking of proud moments, Annie has them every 5 minutes. Here she is showing off a toy she stole out of my bag:

And here she is proudly wearing my mom's old wool coat and hat:

Seeing her like this really makes the fact that I have a daughter sink in...it's different watching her play with my old toys than it is watching the boys play with them (and within 5 minutes the boys have usually broken them anyway) and seeing her copy me when I brush my hair or talk on the phone.

Here she is experiencing snow for the first time:

And the last item of fun and specialness for this post: Samuel got a Flat Stanley from his "cousin" in Utah and we had fun taking it around town to snap pictures. Isn't life good?



Oh, and by the way--we DO get to spend Christmas at my childhood home! (Which means we're spending Thanksgiving with Jeremy's family in Tucson and leaving today...so I better get packing!)