The Mom Stays in the Picture...And Gets a Better Picture

 A few months ago, I read a little article called "The Mom Stays in the Picture" that a friend posted on Facebook.  You can read the article for yourself, and if you're a mom, you definitely might cry.  The gist of the article is that us moms always have an excuse for why we don't want a picture taken of us (didn't do hair, wearing "workout" clothes i.e. pajamas, still have a few pounds to lose, etc.) but then our kids are going to grow up and not get to see us living life with them in the pictures they look at.  Here is an excerpt:

"It seems logical. We're sporting mama bodies and we're not as young as we used to be. We don't always have time to blow dry our hair, apply make-up, perhaps even bathe (ducking). The kids are so much cuter than we are; better to just take their pictures, we think.
But we really need to make an effort to get in the picture. Our sons need to see how young and beautiful and human their mamas were. Our daughters need to see us vulnerable and open and just being ourselves -- women, mamas, people living lives. Avoiding the camera because we don't like to see our own pictures? How can that be okay?"
 ...

"I'm everywhere in their young lives, and yet I have very few pictures of me with them. Someday I won't be here -- and I don't know if that someday is tomorrow or thirty or forty or fifty years from now -- but I want them to have pictures of me. I want them to see the way I looked at them, see how much I loved them. I am not perfect to look at and I am not perfect to love, but I am perfectly their mother. " 

That article got to me...I am always saying that when I'm gone, Jeremy should remind the kids when they look at all their pictures that don't have me in them that I was the one behind the camera taking the picture.  But I think it's been a cop-out for me to say that, because frankly, behind the camera is much more comfortable...and hey, the kids are a lot cuter than me, right?

I mean, how could you not want to show off a smile like that?

This past fall, I've been making a concerted effort to stay in more pictures.  I was motivated by the article, yes, but now, as I look back on some pictures, I realize that there has been much more going on than meets the eye.  My shift in mind-set has happened because of many things--a difficult transition into a new life with less friends, not being a leader anymore, rejection from numerous jobs, parenting and keeping house in such close proximity to others, adjusting to the faster-paced & fancier lifestyle of Southern CA...many things that ultimately boil down to the humility to see myself as I really am and to put myself rightly into the bigger story of what's going on in life.  So here I am:

I have an age spot and a random pink bow in my hair because my daughter thought it was funny.

My arms are plumper than I would like and my legs are a middle-aged mess, but I am playing paddle ball with my daughter and digging for sand crabs with my son at the beach.

That's me us!

I wanted to delete it because of the wrinkles...but now all I see are the smiles!

(well, mostly all the smiles and maybe the chin lines and the uncooperative smaller children...hey, it's a work in progress!)

Even the picture I now have as the heading of this blog was scrutinized and almost rejected because I thought my butt looked chunky.  But it's us this fall at the beach in a part of our life that I want to remember and document, so I stuck it up there anyway.

The change has come in more than just pictures but real life moments as well.

Like my mother-in-law who came to visit and, in spite of suffering from face-paralyzing Bells' Palsy, played with my kids and allowed me to take pictures of her...and from my kids, who didn't think twice about treating her the same even though she looked different and asymmetrical.

 

Or in going to MOPS as just a regular new person with no leadership position, nothing to offer except a smile, no accolades or congratulations, just being a woman hoping to fit in.

It comes in my relationship with Julie, my neighbor, who I share carpool duties and afternoons at the park with, who wears a wig because of extensive cancer treatments.

It comes from working in an environment where I am not often praised but very often corrected or critiqued...and then coming home and doing the same thing to my eldest son about his manners and propensity to clumsiness and realizing I have a lot of room to grow.

And ultimately it comes from viewing myself with "sober judgement" like one of my favorite verses says.  I am not a movie star, I am not ageless or immortal, I deserve some of the correction I receive, I do not deserve to always be on top or surrounded by people who compliment me all the time, I do not have time to exercise every day because my family needs me, and I need humility.  I am thankful for the lessons I am learning and the person I am becoming...wrinkles and age spots and veins and all.  I hope my husband and kids see it and call it beautiful.

 It's how I see MY mom, you know.  Full of love and smiles and hugs...not edited or airbrushed.

...

And here are my new friends that I've met at the kids' school....because of my more humble, simpler life, I'm not always in a rush to get somewhere else or to finish some project at home, so I've had time to hang out with whoever is available at the park or McDonald's.  It's not how life used to look, but it is surprisingly good and I am blessed.

When I said I wanted to take this picture, all the other moms groaned and tried to get out of it.  But I bet they would be glad I took it if I sent it to them 10 years from now.  Let's get in the picture, mommas!  Go take a picture of your friend with her kids today!

(And, I'm learning that in being willing to stay in the picture, I actually end up with some keepers!)