For the past 7 months, I've been working here...in customer service. I have felt thankfulness for the job, sheepishness at re-joining the workforce with a bunch of 18-year-olds (who frankly surprise me with how hard they work), and guilt about leaving my family a few nights a week to go to work. I know moms are working all sorts of jobs and making ends meet with all sorts of sacrifice, so this has been eye-opening as to how they might feel no matter how much they love their jobs or how much they make.
A month or so after I started working, Annie (who isn't super into babies) came up to me with her Special Baby--holding her so sweetly and gently and whispering so quietly.
"Here is my brand new baby! We just came from the hospital. She's brand new. Isn't she beautiful?"
Me (also whispering, with pride at my daughter's emerging maternal instincts in my voice): "She IS so beautiful. What is her name?"
Annie: "Her name is Special Baby. Can you hold her?" (tucks her in with a blanket in my arms).
Then, in a much more matter-of-fact and slightly bossy tone: "Can you watch her for me? If she cries, give her a bottle. I'm going to work. Goodbye."
That was a little unsettling.
But we do what we need to do, and Jeremy and I are a team and this is what we're doing (though we just decided that I would take a break for a little while). And I just have one more thing to say now that I've worked in customer service doing returns and solving problems in a retail environment...
You get what you get and you don't throw a fit!!!
I still remember the first time I saw my Social Security Benefit sheet that had my yearly earnings since my first job at age 16 printed out. After a few years of income then 18 years+ of "0". I remember feeling overwhelmed with thankfulness for those years I was able to stay home with my children. It felt victorious, and for me, no amount of money, prestige or power could ever compare. Gamma
ReplyDeleteNot that I ever had much of the money, prestige or power :)I am glad you are able to be home with your family more now and glad you enjoyed some aspects of your job out side the home. Don't mom's have lots of jobs inside and outside of the home. Bless you, Glenda
ReplyDeleteJust catching up on some blog reading and this one got to me. Just yesterday Adam said "why are you always busy doing other stuff, I wish you would play with me more"
ReplyDeleteSTAB - right in the heart. And a new baby coming in 2 months. SIGH.
I've been a working mom from day one, and these days I work TWO jobs. Even though I'm with him when he's not in school, I'm just not home enough to get all the tedious daily tasks done like I used to be...so he plays by himself and I do the dishes. Lame! I'm praying I can be more in the moment with him and less focused on laundry and house tasks. I think the mommy guilt is always there, even when you are home 100% of the time. Hang in there mama, it's not easy - but thank goodness you and Jeremy are a team! The kids will see that and understand it better one day. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do (I tell myself that every day!)