Broken Bone, Tired Mommy

I've been too tired from the events of yesterday to write...but wanted to record what happened at least so I have it for memory's sake. Evan fell off the couch while I was at Bible study and was crying more than seemed normal. I took him home and was tempted to do my normal routine of "waiting to see if it gets worse" (i.e. hopefully putting off going to the doctor and avoiding the costs involved). I purposefully gave him a big glass of water with lunch and watched as he tried to drink it with one hand. He couldn't climb up onto the couch like normal and was just kind of acting like a zombie. So, I took him to the pediatrician (after first calling 6 friends to find someone to watch Sam), and the doctor sent us to get x-rays. While waiting for the x-rays, all the people in the waiting room fell in love with him and then had to listen as he screamed because I couldn't hold him due to being pregnant. When we emerged from the x-ray room, the waiting room cheered for him. We went back to the pediatrician who diagnosed his injury as a buckle fracture--she described it as a dent in a tin can...if he fell on it again it would definitely break, so he needed a cast. We had to go back to get a copy of the x-ray and when we went back into the office, the lady who had to hold Evan during the x-ray said, "Oh, I'm still crying about little Evan. I just knew it was broken!" They got us into an orthopedic doctor who did the cast before offices closed at the end of the day. I know it is socially unacceptable to be on the phone at the doctor's office, but I was on mine a lot--trying to alleviate the fears of the worried babysitter, getting ahold of Jeremy (who was planning to go mountain biking and I said he could still go and then regretted it when I needed him later! oh well!), and trying to figure out how I would get Sam's Cubbies vest and get him to his AWANA awards ceremony. We got out of the office with a bright green cast (maybe inspired by the incredible hulk toy that was in my purse the whole time) and I, feeling sorry for Evan, foolishly promised him ice cream, which he screamed about the whole way out of the office...poor little guy was so tired and confused! We managed to get Sam, run home and get his vest, keep Evan awake until we sped through the Burger King drive-thru for shakes, made it to church just as they were doing the opening prayer, and when I was about to breath a sigh of relief, Samuel tripped and fell and dropped most of his shake and started screaming his head off (church doors are all open, of course). I held it together okay then, but later when I was trying to keep them quiet BY MYSELF (this is when I kicked myself for the earlier mountain biking permission), Sam spilled the shake I was making Evan share with him all over the chairs that we were sitting on and when I got up to get a napkin to clean it, I tripped over Evan and knocked him down--youth pastor's screaming children in church now 2 for 2. I stepped out into the hallway to swallow my tears and pull it together and thankfully saw my friend Elisa go sit next to Sam and clean up the shake mess. Jeremy did arrive soon after and all was well...except that I was still hearing reports that the babysitter was doing worse than I was about the whole situation. Someone asked to sign Evan's cast because they thought it was so cute, and I heard that kids were talking about the little guy with the green cast who was cute but made them feel kind of sad because he was so little to have a broken arm. Jeremy and I are sure that this will not be the last broken bone we deal with on this little guy (see previous blog post for more on that!). Sam required a little extra TLC after all the drama with Evan, so I took him to a gymnastics play time with MOPS this morning and Evan stayed home with Jeremy. I told my friends that Evan had slept through the night just fine and then came home to find out that he had not, but Jeremy took care of him all night...so that DEFINITELY makes up for his mountain bike trip during my moment of need. The kids have once again splashed a lake onto the floor of the bathroom as I write this, so I've gotta go deal with that. Check out the side column for some recent Samuel quotes!

A Week of Motherhood

I don't have anything special to write about, but felt like I should post something so that the 2 people that read my blog won't give up on me. I posted this picture of Sam and his friends Sara and Eden to show that he has definitely learned the value of chocolate. We were invited to a grown-up friend's birthday party last week and I kind of felt bad that the kids got all the cake and ice cream...I don't even know if the birthday girl got any!

I went to our church's women's retreat this weekend in Prescott and had a really good time...I am blessed with the friends I have at FCF! I didn't take any pictures, I guess I was too busy talking all the time. Jeremy's parents came up to Flagstaff to help take care of the boys because Jeremy is finishing all of his crazy seminary homework. This week, I wanted to relax and not have any pressures since things had been so busy the last few weeks, but instead of relaxing and feeling no pressure, I feel a little sleep deprived and overwhelmed by the task of mothering these little energy balls and trying to keep the house in a liveable state. I took the boys to the Aquaplex on Tues. and Evan had to be rescued twice...and later I realized that I was more worried about what all the other moms thought of me than I was about the fact that Evan could have drowned. I also thought it was funny that I yelled at Sam to rescue Evan instead of one of the lifeguards. I wonder if he would have done it? The lifeguard jumped in and got him and he wasn't too upset. The rest of the week has just been trying to cook dinner while little boys are spilling bubble juice on the floor (and Evan is drinking it--I've already had to call poison control 3 times for that boy! And this time wasn't one of them--I figured the worst that could happen was that he might burp bubbles later, that would have been funny). I made 2 batches of cookies this week--AFTER my glucose test for gestational diabetes, of course. I think I thought cookies would help me cope (or give me something to bribe with). The highlight of the week was going out to some of my favorite stores and returning things...I got paid to go shopping! No, actually, the highlight was probably wrestling on the bed with the whole family last night--windows open, enjoying the nice late afternoon breeze--or catching bugs in the backyard with Sam...he was so excited about the fuzzy black caterpillar that he found--he took it to church to show his friends. And, he even was willing to let it go at the end of the day...though I am convinced the poor thing crawled under a rock and died of shock, but don't tell Sam. So, I guess it was a week of what real life is made of...though the words, "Why am I having another one?" DID come out of my mouth to a total stranger at the doctor's office (after Evan cried at the top of his lungs for 15 minutes and then finally got quiet, but then proceeded to hit his head on the doorway and start up again...so much fun!). I think I'm going to go eat some more cookies now, and let Sam watch 3-2-1 Penguins for the 15th time in the last 2 days.

Easter

Here's some pictures from Easter weekend. On Saturday, we went to an Easter Egg hunt in the woods behind the house of some friends. I was a bad mommy and we got there late and all the eggs were gone, but Sam loved tromping around in the snow and the dad who was hosting the party hid some more eggs for him. In my rush to get there on time, I pulled Evan too fast through the snow and he fell on his face twice. He never really got over it, even when I tried to bribe him with chocolate (I have taught my children from an early age that chocolate makes everything better...will they have to go to therapy later because I did that to them?)


In the picture, it looks like Evan is happy (note the chocolate in his mouth) but a few seconds later he was crying and smearing chocolate drool all over my jacket. So, as you can tell, I didn't think the morning was a success, but the beautiful thing about it is that Sam didn't pick up on any of that adult-stress and had a blast. I love that about kids--and Sam seems to especially enjoy anything we do that is out-of-the-ordinary. He makes life fun! On Good Friday, I was driving in the car and Sam said, "I just prayed to ask God to come into my heart and bless me." We talked about it some more and I'm not sure what he understands, and it was only later that I realized the significance of it being Good Friday. It's at least a conversation to remember, and I'm glad he's thinking about these things.

On Sunday, we woke up to look for Easter baskets and plastic eggs. As I predicted, Evan was much better at finding everything than Sam. We went to church...I didn't get the boys new outfits and was feeling rather frumpy myself, but it was a beautiful day and I was thankful for my family and for the reminder to think about Jesus, not myself.


(I think this picture is kind of silly...but it was all I could get the 3 boys to cooperate for. Jeremy looks like Abe Lincoln in his memorial sitting in the chair like that--only bigger and with a bigger smile) We had our friends, Aunt Jason and Uncle Riah (that's what I accidentally kept calling them) over for ham and cheesy potatoes and jello with carrots and pineapple in it (everyone made fun of me for that one...but I like it!) and then poor Jeremy stayed at the library till midnight doing his seminary homework. Today is his last drive down there (until summer classes start) and I am glad that he will have a break. Now I've got to get working on my week of skits and am already looking forward to next week...I'm planning to do NOTHING!!!!

Life

Things have been soooo busy! Somehow I am in 3 skits next week which all require rehearsals, creativity, and running around to find the perfect props/costumes. I guess it's clear that people see me as someone willing to make a fool of herself!

We had friends from Phoenix come to visit this weekend...here's Erik and Laynie arriving in the middle of a snowstorm (and I laughed at Heather when she asked if she should bring hats or gloves for the kids--oops!).
Jeremy and I went to Phoenix on Monday...he had to go down for his classes and we decided to stay the night and look at minivans the next day. I took the boys to the zoo during the day. I'm not sure if we had fun. I didn't even take any pictures to show here. The boys were both exhausted from the weekend of having houseguests, Evan was getting over a virus, Sam was just getting sick, and I have a watery eye...not sure why, but it sure is annoying. We arrived at 10:30 and the boys didn't want to play--they just kept bugging me about eating lunch. I found myself saying really effective things like, "Just have fun! I brought you here and paid money to get in! You couldn't possible be hungry--it's not lunchtime!" And then I realized that I was totally grumpy because I was starving. I pretended like it was my idea to eat lunch a few minutes later in order to retain the image of being in control, and things got a little better. There was a fun little water park there and Sam complained about going in and then cried his eyes out a half-an-hour later when it was time to leave it. We had to leave because Evan broke out in splotches (maybe hives???) all over his skin. I called my mom for her diagnosis over the phone--I'm not sure how I thought she would be able to help, but somehow I always want to call her first. I then asked two of the moms at the water area who recoiled a little and said, "Is it contagious?" and looked at me suspiciously as they repressed the urge to yank their kids out of the water and spray them down with antibacterial gel. We drug poor little Evan around the rest of the zoo (or maybe it should be that poor little mommy had to push two big boys around the rest of the zoo) to see the animals that we paid money to come see, for heaven's sake! (Sorry, I was just reliving it in my mind). Evan liked the Zebras and the lions, Sam liked the swinging bridge on the way up to the giraffe overlook. Sam is really bad at looking for things so it was fun trying to point out things like the cheetah "way in the corner over there, laying down"...and I was tired of straining my weepy eye to find the sleepy animals (it was 90 degrees!) for them. But, at the end of the day, they said they had fun and Evan's hives went away as quickly as they came, so it wasn't so bad, I guess. Just not alone next time. And not pregnant. And no double stroller. And not when it's so hot. And eat a bigger breakfast first.

We stayed in a hotel Monday night--which was a nice treat. The only food establishment within a 5 mile radius seemed to be Waffle House, so we walked there for dinner and breakfast. The boys swam in the evening and in the morning...which meant that they were already tired before we even started our long day of mini-van hunting. They were such troopers! We drove ALL over Phoenix looking for the perfect van for us...which isn't very motivating because, well, it's looking at minivans (gag). We were tempted by a souped up Safari with two-tone paint and heavily tinted windows, but in the end, bought a perfectly domesticated gray Honda Odyssey. I could feel gray hairs growing in all over my head by the end of the day, but I am actually quite thankful for how well our family got along during it. We got back to Flagstaff at 1 am!

One of the highlights of the day, though, was visiting a friend in the hospital in Downtown Phoenix who had delivered her baby at 28 weeks. The pregnancy had been a shock to the parents (Rob and Tanya--who have a son in the jr. high group at church). They totally thought they were done having kids. Then, there were complications, and baby Leah was delivered and then rushed to Phoenix (maybe by helicopter). Rob went, but Tanya couldn't go because of recovering from the C-section. Little Leah survived intestinal surgery and was seeming to be doing better, until it was discovered that she has cystic fibrosis. Tanya was there alone (Rob and the kids doing work and school during the week in Flagstaff) and the doctors were pressuring her to make a decision whether to continue fighting to save Leah. Anyways, all that to say that it has been pretty rough for them. We visited for a little while--during which Tanya got to hold Leah for the first time against her chest (Kangaroo care, they call it). In preparing to see them, I had prayed that God would help me find something to say about baby Leah--the kinds of things that new moms want to hear..."She's so beautiful, she has your eyes, etc." I have to admit, it was hard seeing how small she was and there was lots of medical equipment and tubes and her color wasn't great...but I kept thinking, "She looks a lot like her dad." I said it, and Tanya beamed, saying, "I know look at her chin, she is such a little copy of Rob!" God was good, and it was such a sweet reminder that little Leah isn't just a medical situation but a precious human being. Tanya seems ready to face the future...knowing so many things are uncertain and understands that God has a plan and purpose for Leah's life..."Though selfishly I want to have her for a long time," says Tanya. It was really hard to see Tanya's reaction when a nurse came up and rather coldly told her she had to put Leah back because the nurses' shift change was happening and that Tanya couldn't hold her again until tomorrow...what a heartbreak for a new mom! I think Tanya wondered if I was crying the whole time I was talking to her, because of my weepy eye, but I don't mind. I mentioned that to Jeremy afterwards and he said he could have cried in there--and I was proud that he was my husband.

On the way back up to Flagstaff, I was struggling to stay awake and was following along behind Jeremy who was driving the new car and I was wondering (stressing about) whether we made the right decision and if it was going to break down tomorrow. I put in my Sara Groves CD called "Station Wagon: Songs for Parents" and began singing along to sweet songs with lyrics like:

I do not know how I am to pray for this child
as a mother I don't want my baby denied
but in the waiting in the waiting
I learned

every instinct in me wants to shield him from pain
take the arrows of misery heartache and blame
but in the sorrow in the sorrow
I learned to hold on

I only have two eyes - be all seeing
I only have two hands - be everywhere
I do not know enough - to be all knowing
I give this baby up into your care

I do not know how, how to pray for this child
I want to guard her from everything wicked and wild
but in the trial in the trial
I learned to hold on
And in the trial, in the trial
I learned to hold on to the heart of God

or

beautiful child right from the moment you were born
you overtook my heart my world
my beautiful child

tender and sweet both in your crying and your sleep
you radiate a sense of hope
you're beautiful

And I have seen the most amazing sights
in my travels on the earth
misty seas and amber harbor lights
and other things of matchless worth

but next to you all of the beauty seems so plain
you would think I'd never seen a beautiful thing

And I have seen the most amazing sights
in my travels on the earth
seven sacred pools on starry nights
and other things of matchless worth

but next to you all of the beauty seems so plain
you would think i'd never seen a beautiful thing

I have seen the most amazing sights
in my travels on the earth
moonlight sleeping on the canyon heights
and other things of matchless worth

but next to you all of the beauty seems so plain
you would think i'd never seen a beautiful thing

As I listened to the words, I thought of Tanya and Leah and realized that it didn't matter if we had bought the right van or not. I just kept picturing the gentleness of Tanya as she held that tiny baby and caressed her hair and dared to hope that she would have a future. I think I cried all the way to Flagstaff, and I have tears on my cheeks as I write this. Thank you, God, for the gift of children and the gift of trusting in you. I thank You for Leah Buckley's life and pray that you give Tanya and her family the strength to go on trusting you and loving her. And I pray selfishly that we would meet Leah in Flagstaff someday...at the end of this long, long, trial. Your will be done.
(Sam and Evan--June 2007)