The History of Us: Part 2 (The Courtship?)

So, I was a junior in college and spending a lot of time with a boy named Jeremy Lundgren.  I liked him.  A lot.  He was ruining my plans to not think about boys.  I thought about him.  A lot.  And we hung out.  A lot.

At first, I made him my famous caramel brownies and always tried to be where he was going to be.  Then I began to observe how other girls seemed to do the same things and I could see right through them.  I remember sitting in a papasan chair on a random platform he and his roommate, Jason, had built in their dorm room (the platform was probably held up with a total of 2 nails, which was at least twice as many as were holding up the large loft second story they slept on and studied under.  Just a side note.).  I said, "When girls come to bring you food, you think 'Cool, free food!' but they are thinking, 'Wow, a date with Jeremy and Jason!'.  You shouldn't encourage them.  It's not good."  Jeremy and Jason stared at me like cavemen, but I think they sort of got it.

But, this observation got me realizing the position I might be in...seeming to have a special claim to Jeremy's time though he had never expressed romantic interest or exclusivity to me, so I might be just the same as all the other girls.  I stopped bringing the caramel brownies.  I started, as an exercise in autonomy, not going to social events that he was going to be at, even though we always seemed to end up driving or walking home together and talking in front of one of our dorms for hours about deep and important topics--I was suddenly aware that I had no way of knowing or controlling whether he was doing that with other girls as well.  I decided to let him go a little, even though I had never met a person who continued to be so interesting and admirable (and dare I say attractive?) the more I hung out with him.

Frustratingly, though he wouldn't address the nature of our relationship, he kept seeming to give me special attention and kept being very available to hang out.  That is when I enlisted the help of my friend, Psalm...I felt stuck because my newly-turned-over-leaf of not flirting told me that I couldn't bring up our relationship to Jeremy (in other words, I couldn't initiate the DTR talk), but I needed him to realize the affect his attention was having on me so he would stop spending so much time with me if he had no romantic interest.  My heart was in danger of being hurt badly, but I had become convinced that the way I would know true love as opposed to exciting flirtations was when a boy chose me by his own will and initiative.  I knew if I said something to Jeremy, who was genuinely a really great guy, he would feel bad or confused about having spent so much time with me that he would probably say he wanted to date but I wouldn't be sure whether he had said it out of obligation or conviction.   Psalm tried valiantly to bring these things to Jeremy's attention while still protecting my identity, but I think he got the same caveman look I had gotten a few months before.

Finally, I reached my breaking point and spent a weekend away from him and other distractions--really thinking and praying about what to do about my relationship with him.  In the months before I got to know Jeremy, I had started having the goal of preparing for marriage in my heart instead of "hooking up" or dating for fun, so I knew that if I thought I had such deep feelings for Jeremy, I must think I was ready to get married.  I found comfort in the part of the Bible called Proverbs, chapter 31, where there are instructions to a young man about how to choose a wife.  There were so many areas I needed to grow in, and it excited and humbled me to think of the task of being a wife and a woman of noble character like the one talked about in those verses.  I decided with much peace but a sad heart that I needed to end my close friendship with Jeremy in order to protect my heart.  Also, his future plans seemed to be taking him in a completely different direction and I felt certain that I wasn't part of that scenario (he was planning to go to Mongolia for a year on a team of young people, some of whom would be young women, and I would be finishing my degree at NAU).  Even though I felt sad to end such a wonderful friendship, I felt overwhelmed by the incomprehensible idea that if God didn't have Jeremy for me to marry (which it truly seemed like he didn't), then he must have something much better for me (but truly I just wanted Jeremy).

Meanwhile, Jeremy had been becoming frustrated because his comfortable friend Kaci with whom he could talk about anything and everything wasn't so available anymore.  Because of how often we ran into each other on campus and how much stuff we did together with our group of friends, he had never had to specifically call me in order to hang out.  He began to realize that his frustration was coming from some strange feelings he was having about me.  After ruling out indigestion, he decided to set aside the weekend to pray and think hard about some decisions in his future, but found himself thinking and praying about me.  Oddly enough, the wisdom found in the Bible seemed like a good place to look for answers, and after ruling out working for 7 years for my father in order marry my sister, he landed on the verses in...Proverbs 31.  He says that as he read each one, he had a distinct and clear picture of me doing something.  "She extends her hand to the poor and needy"--he thought about how I worked with some disabled students on campus, or "Her lamp doesn't go out at night"--he thought about how I stayed up late and studied hard to get good grades.  He was surprised by how suddenly clear it seemed that I was the girl for him to marry, and he was excited at the prospect...so excited that he decided to procrastinate talking to me about it until the end of summer or the next fall.

So then, on a Tuesday in April, at the end of my Junior year of college, Jeremy finally got tired of not seeing me and called and asked if I would go eat some food with him.  We went to Fazoli's in the old Walmart parking lot (it's not there anymore...we went on the last day it was open and sat in "our" booth, for old times' sake).  In the course of the conversation, he brought up his summer plans and was asking me my opinions about some aspects of them...things that I was no longer really willing to talk so openly about or to allow him to confide in me.  I said, "I think you need to stop looking at problems so far away and look at what's right in front of you."  Then I stared out at the WALMART sign over his shoulder and honestly braced for the old sock-in-the-arm "You're right, old buddy old pal, we're just friends and always will be" (kind of like he had said after The Quad Ride in Mexico).  Instead, I heard him say, "You know, when I met you it was always cool because you were Kaci, there was nothing romantic there...but lately I've been realizing I'd be crazy to let you go."  As cheesy as it sounds, my heart soared out of my chest and I think there may have been rays of light coming down from heaven onto our booth at Fazolis and there just might have been angels singing.  I let him talk for a while, to really prove what he meant by what he had said and to let the whole thing sink in.  We had talked about everything you would need to talk about to know whether someone was marriage material, and we each knew that the other person didn't want to casually date but be intentional...so I knew we were talking about more than just going out next weekend, that we were probably talking about til death us do part.  And more than that, I was overwhelmed by the deep joy of knowing he had chosen me.  That God had brought us together based on things more important than looks or charm.

I could go on and on and even as I write this, I feel touched thinking back to that moment, but I won't bore you with all my girlish exuberance.  We took some time to let the idea of pursuing marriage sink in, and a few weeks later, we were more sure of it than ever.  And we still hadn't even held hands.  When we finally decided to go forward with our relationship, I remember sitting in the back of his truck on Mars Hill and he went to put his arm around me...and almost knocked me out when his elbow hit the side of my head.  But that was what we loved about our relationship--we were such good friends that we could laugh and not be embarrassed and not feel like the date was ruined from one dorky move.

Many of our friends weren't surprised that we ended up together.  They had been observing us and had seen it coming.  But to us, it was as new and sweet and as special as an unexpected gift...and we were excited to unwrap it (no double meaning there, I promise).

So...I guess this part of the story will end here and I will finish it up with more pictures and less words in Part 3:  The Proposal and of course, Part 4: The Wedding.